One of the things that I dread about growing up (more) is the advent of so many changes — changes that are inevitable really, but changes that are unwanted nonetheless.

My close friends know that I am adamant about aging, and the reason is not just because of physical vanity, because more than this concern, I am quite wary of the several biological side effects of getting old.

Particularly, I dread what I once read in a health journal: that when a person reaches the age of 30 (for most people, that is), the HGH levels dramatically drop down. HGH, mind you, is responsible for protein production, it stabilizes your metabolism, it makes your hair appear fuller, and most important of all, it sustains your sex drive.

I cannot imagine having to deal with all these deprivations. Of course, I can always opt for hgh supplements, because these artificial supplements can help give me the same stuff. Or if not, I can be extra cautious with my food choices, and cut back on alcohol.

A wise man once told me, but I totally forgot who he was (sorry wise man or err, woman), that everything that you do to your body, whether good (eating vegetables, etc.) or bad (vices, OMG!) will come back haunting you as you reach your 30′s. The after effects might not appear apparent now, but by your third decade of doing damage to the world, it will come back to remind you of your juvenile indulgences.

Why, you may wonder, do I keep on fretting about getting old(er)?

It’s simple really. My birthday is coming up, and I am scared of what the future holds: because until now, I have not proven anything to myself yet.

Here’s to hoping that this new lease at life will afford me better life experiences.

with my good friends, alexa and zee.

I have this friend who constantly dealt with periodic bouts of depression because she felt like she looked hideous with her weight. Fact is, she says, she has been fat all her life — and because of this, she feels that most people judge her based on what they see.

Even when I constantly assured her that she was more than just what met the eye, I also knew that she had a point. She can have her own circle of comforting friends all her life, but the sad reality is that our society can be so caught up with its own standards of beauty — and even when a chubby person tries so hard to fit in, other people can be so inconsiderate towards other people’s feelings.

Personally, I’ve always felt that weight should never be an issue, or at least from the lens of superficiality, it should never be that much of a cause for distress. Probably, the reason why I hold this belief is because for the most part of my life, I’ve always been thin. Standing at 5’8, the biggest I got was during my bum years after college, where I’ve accumulated 155 pounds. But even then, I still did not appear fat to most people.

And even when I constantly told her that she looked okay with her weight, she still strove hard to shed all those pounds. If only to prove to other people that she had it in her to will herself to be disciplined, she told me. Personally though, I felt that at that time, that was a wise decision — because health problems that may arise due to weight problems looms ever larger as one ages. And if there was any consolation on my part as to what her newfound resolve will give her, it was doing away with the possible health complications that may come with her weight.

She started with a detox plan, coupled with slimquick supplements. At first, her weight drop was not that obvious — but she held on and fought hard — and in no time, she shed all her excess weight.

Right now, she is down to 170 lbs from over 250 lbs roughly eight months ago. The distinction is so pronounced that sometimes, I don’t recognize her in her pictures anymore.

Even when I stand firm in my belief that the standards for beauty are never absolute, I am still happy for her and her hard-earned personal achievement. I love her that much, and I sincerely hope that with her newfound confidence from her slimmer physique, she will feel so much better with herself.

Today is Tuesday, and it is supposed to be the second most productive day of the week, but I feel slumped.

Logically, the next question to answer would be: Why do I feel this way?

And through the most basic method of thought deduction, the next reasonable thing to do after asking this question would be to look for an answer — but answers are oftentimes evasive these days.

I seriously do not know why, but sometimes, I just find myself suspended in silence, thinking about thoughts that are clearly trivial, and trivializing things that seem to be really complex.

And this could go on for endless seconds, minutes, hours even, and when reality finally snaps me back into consciousness, I do not recall where my mind has just drifted into.

Perhaps, I always silently whisper to myself during these moments, these spells are forebodings of things that are to come — of what lies ahead, and the obstacles that I need to hurdle through in the coming days.

Law school awaits, and another form of detachment is in the offing. The latter, particularly, makes me feel frail and vulnerable, because departures from my erstwhile zones of comfort are always very discomforting.

I’m not making sense here, am I?

Welcome to my world.

Just this Saturday, my brother finally realized that he’s had enough with the limited internet availability at home, and so he decided to purchase a wifi router.

I accompanied him to the local software store, Algorithm, and much to our delight, there were a lot of choices for us. Some of the products that were in the shelf were a lot costlier than others — but of course, this meant that they were also better performing.

My brother thought it best to go with the D-Link Wireless N150 Home Router, because apart from its relatively cheaper price, it was also easy to install, and it needed only a few requirements for its complete installment. You can either install it with a CD rom, or if not, you can have it up and working through its company website.

Excitedly, we hurried home and tried to install it right away. Much to our dismay however, we needed to purchase a good network cable wiring because the modem needs to be strategically placed in the middle part of our home. If it were installed in the current location of the DSL modem, its scope of coverage would not be that maximized. Because I was tasked to have the router installed, I had to tell him that we needed that extra wiring for the complete router installment.

We plan to make the purchase tomorrow, so universe, please be kinder to us, and give us what we need. The laptops are patiently waiting for their emancipation. Thank you.

I was at the wet market earlier today.

Not a lot of people know this, but I actually enjoy my sporadic trips to the wet market. I don’t know if it’s the NatGeo fanatic in me that makes me enjoy the strolls in corridors upon corridors of market produce, but I always leave the market place amazed at how right then and there, the most basic form of commerce takes place.

I am particularly piqued by the stalls of different fishes, meat, and vegetables — cut, minced, diced — everything beautifully strewn in organised chaos. In my mind, I am reminded of the Roman agora and how back then, it was the lifeblood of the polis. In the wet market, products exchange hands, currency is flaunted, taken and received , and the law of supply and demand becomes more real than ever.

Apart from these usual sightings, I am particularly intrigued by the different forms of market exchanges that happen in the market area. For example, I kept staring at an old woman a while ago who wanted to buy gold coins from prospective customers.

She was quietly minding her own business in her makeshift stall, but it was apparent that she seemed right at home in there. She was part of the mayhem, I thought silently.

I know that some of my indulgences may appear bizarre to most people, but I really do not care. I just know that I enjoy doing these things, and that through the years, these random strolls have become one of my most effective therapies so far.

Let me let you in on a little secret:

When I was younger, I was totally bent on living in a motorhome when I was a little bit older. Perhaps it was the cultural appeal of a Western-constructed home type, but I was certain that when I was a little bit older and I had a few thousand dollars to spare, I would stay in a motorhome, live like a rock star, and throw the concept of permanence to the wind.

Of course back then, security and comfort were not in my checklist, because I simply did not care. I just wanted to live a life of abandon, and I wanted everything serious, mature, and grown up to take a back seat. But obviously, this is no longer the case right now.

Being a lot older than before, I now think that although this living condition may have its perks, living a life hinged on temporariness has its drawbacks — not to mention the need for me to avail of a good motorhome insurance policy. Sure, I might have a swell of a time living from state to state and looking for comfort in the allure of new places, but what of the bills, responsibilities, and personal growth?

Sometimes, I get confronted with the delinquency of my youth, and in retrospect, I used to believe that life would have been perfect if I had it my way.

But now, I am slowly sensing that life is an inevitable progression, and sooner than later, we need to get out of this daredevil/adventurista mindset and just accept the reality that life needs to be tempered by impulse and gut feel.

Last night, right after hearing mass for Ash Wednesday, I met up with a group of friends that I have not seen for a very long time. Well, three years to be exact. Back then, we collectively sailed through college together, and in the company of spirits and heartfelt laughter, we were constantly on the go.

There used to be 7 of us before, but given the inevitability of departure and the need to ‘grow up’, we soon drifted apart — but every once in a while, we try to meet up and talk about the good, old times.

Last night however, we virtually got transported back through time, when life did not scathe us that much, and we always had the comfort of our friendship each time the world started to throw its weight around. It was one of the best nights ever, and I know that my bond with the Axionistahs will be sustained in the years to come.

My eldest brother, who has just been recently promoted at work, is planning to purchase something that can concretize his recent job promotion. Being the car enthusiast that he is, he informed all of us that he was planning to buy a car — not just any car mind you, but the best variety that his salary can afford him (which, sadly, is not so much — kidding!).

Anyway, all of us were stoked when we heard this  because we all know how much of a car junkie he is. Ever since he started working for his employers, which was around five years ago, this had always been something that he looked forward to doing, or having.

My dad, being the most adept person in the household when it comes to cars and what to look for in a purchase, instantly advised him to make sure that he factors in car accessories when it comes to the actual expenses that he might need to pay for. These items, after all, can greatly enhance the car’s general appearance so his (future) car ( I do not want to jinx it) would not be clustered along with the generic car varieties right now.

Sometimes, a car may be purchased for relatively lesser dollars, but with the right amount of enhancements, it can even look better than what the expensive car companies are offering to their clientele right now.

More specifically, beautiful car mats are great enhancers to one’s car. Depending on the general appearance of the car’s interior, and the specific style that a car owner has in mind, he/she can choose from an assortment of mats that would be great at complementing the car’s general theme/feel.

Anyway, at this point, we are all just excited for him to make his purchase. On a more personal level, I think I am elated because this is a foreboding that indeed, we have broken free from being totally dependent on our parents for any of our material needs.

Although I know that I have a lot more years ahead of me before I can totally make it out alone, still, I think this is a great motivation for me and the rest of my siblings to seek for professional opportunities outside our home soon, or very, very soon.

I hope he gets a kick-ass car though.