Now that the stamp of finality has finally sealed my QR fate, I can say that I am uncertain of the emotions that have been stampeding  in steady influxes in my heart.

It’s an unhealthy mix of despair and hope — but I will get to that later.

Yes, even when when most people tell me that being a flight attendant is the recourse of those who opt for the easy way out of life, I did not care and still pursued this dream. I know myself well enough to know that having a job that required constant travelling while being compensated generously for it is something that my heart truly desires.

The passionate traveller and daredevil in me was ecstatic to find out that after a very rigid screening process that saw a thousand applicants dwindle down to just 11 for the final interview, I felt God’s affirmation that this was what He planned for me to become: an international flight attendant for a reputable company.

But things sometimes unfold in ways that we do not fully grasp — and I was saddened to know that a congenital heart condition made it impossible for me to fully realize my dream.

The irony and the tragedy of my demise was that my heart prodded me on to achieve what it truly yearned for, but in the end, it was also the reason why I was not able to actualize this dream.

In an instant, my dreams have become distant — and elusive apparently, as international airlines are pretty stringent when it comes to the heart.

In these troubling times when all I feel is this gnawing pain from having to constantly endure disappointment and rejection, I can only shield my soul from breaking by taking refuge in Desiderata’s life-affirming line that illuminates: “Whether it is clear to you or not, the universe is unfolding as it should.”

I am going to miss chasing this dream — but as well, I sincerely believe that this is God’s way of telling me that He has grander plans for me.

I just need to listen closely.