‘why are you still single?’
then the look of pity cushioned by a gesture of concern.
clyde (deep inside): first level of rebuttal, putang ina ka.
second level, i don’t need your pity, and you can pepper someone else with your concern –
because on the third level of rebuttal, i am perfectly happy with my current state, and no amount of pitiful gestures can make me feel miserable because i know myself, i know what i currently need, and i am not desperate.
one thing that i like about being in dumaguete is that everyone looks out for everyone. concern is everywhere, and i literally mean everywhere: it’s in school, in church, in family, and in all other social circles that are really just intertwined with each other. but this supportive social base is unfortunately, also the reason why we have to entertain the annoying snootiness of those who are convinced that they have the right to intrude just because they are part of any of your social circles.
first level of rebuttal: why is it so discomforting for these people when one’s status message says single?
let me substantiate this claim.
being in a relationship, mind you, is not something as trivial as choosing who your top friends in facebook will be, or deciding what’s going to be your pulutan for cali-tan (cali and tanduay, try it, it’s love). relationships are complex — almost as complex as love (if ever it exists), and so leeway should be given to those who:
a. have been burned before
b. are still unsure of the right person or,
c. just don’t feel like being in a relationship.
because personally, i believe that no one can really predict the path of our emotions. i remember, with fondness now but with contempt when it happened, how it took me two years to forget a surreal conversation that i had with a complete stranger in a bus ride in manila 5-ish years ago, whereas a relationship that lasted for seven months was nowhere near bothering me a week after it ended.
this, for me, shows the extent of its unpredictability, its complexity notwithstanding.
society, in all honesty, is actually very imposing with its standards of what is a happy life and conversely, what constitutes its miserable half. but these standards are almost always arrived at consensually, even if this concession is not really absolute and is thus, questionable still.
this is probably the reason why society thinks this way:
happiness = relationship.
and moreover, this is why those who are subsumed under this line of thinking feel helpless, hapless, and desperate when they are without a partner — they instantly feel that their temporary demise is a foreboding of things to come: a life that is sad and empty — that they will inevitably be alone and miserable. which is why they look for relationships even when it is clearly for the wrong reasons. they try to fill the void by feigning affection towards those who are presumably as desperate as them.
first level of clarification: you are not as unsell-able as you think you are — you just need to wait for the right moment and the right person. (but this has to be tempered by how you assess yourself physically, just kidding)
second level of clarification: screw societal pressure — they don’t get to fix your heart once it gets broken by a relationship that was not supposed to happen to begin with.
‘why are you still single?’
there’s that pity again. there’s that futile attempt at hiding their concern.
and here is my rebuttal again:
putang ina ka.