woohoo!

last month a friend informed me, through email, of an essay writing competition organized by the unfpa or the united nations population fund — and it was about population control, and how the government ought to circumvent the population menace by strictly adhering to birth control, and other similar measures.

the inner geek in me was intrigued, and i just let him be as i wove my words and paragraphs into an essay which juxtaposed the population problem with the current diaspora of filipinos into foreign lands just to have a good life. likewise, i related (or at least tried to, hehe) the current NFA rice crisis with the exponentially -multiplying filipino population.

it was a national essay writing competition so when i had (the) confirmation that i got second place, i was, well, overjoyed. hehe. the adjective sounds so subdued to the hysteria that ensued earlier today. haha.

although i would’ve wanted first place (fidel ramos will be giving the award, sheesh), i am still thankful i got second place because being second also means receiving a gift certificate from national bookstore worth so-so pesos.

not being a book reader, i wonder if the prize can be traded for a few bottles of beer. kidding. hehe anyway, i would like to share parts of the essay in my blog, and i hope you don’t doze off as you read it :p

‘‘The scarcity of food, the mass migration of Filipino workers: all these are indicators that the Philippines’ third-world economy cannot sustain a population that is way beyond what is statistically manageable for the government to maintain; more importantly, these serve as warnings that if the present population rate continues to exponentially multiply in light of the rapid depletion of resources, then our direction as a country is headed in a fatal path.

The current rice crisis, amid the efforts of some sectors to quell speculations of its damning repercussions, is a testament to the growing inability of the government to ensure that its people do not starve to death, or that its citizens, especially those who belong to the middle and lower classes, are still able to afford rice – a staple food for most if not all, and one which signifies the living condition of Filipinos. If the condition right now is terrifying, whereby the prospects for food sustenance and sustainability go dimmer as each day passes by, and there exists an apparent lack of viable government programs to arrest this problem, how much more when the population doubles in twenty to thirty years time?

The mass diaspora of Filipinos, for another, is a sad reminder that our collective sense of nationalism has been diluted. Families go abroad in hopes of seeking better opportunities there, students opt for courses which can guarantee them residency in a foreign nation later on, and the sense of fulfillment among some Filipinos culminate when they become naturalized in some foreign land: it is a sad picture really, but one which we have grown accustomed to. It would even be sadder when, in the course of being constantly exposed to these realities, what little sense of nationalism we have left will completely disappear, and all consciousness of being a Filipino will dissipate eventually.

Again, we see that this problem has, at its heart, the population problem, and the lack of opportunities that are available in the country. People are compelled, by circumstance, to momentarily or permanently leave the country for practical reasons – and again, if this trend continues and there is no government intervention to this modern-day phenomenon, then the possibility of the Philippines re-emerging as a strong nation will remain elusive.

It is precisely for these reasons, and presumably a lot more, that the government ought to consolidate its resolve to make the living conditions of its citizens more humane and just. Intrinsically, it has the immense power of effecting change if only it wills itself to do so and rise above its inherent susceptibility to external factors – because what is at stake here is the fragile life of the nation and the citizens that it has vowed to protect.

The right to family planning is an indispensable requisite for economic, political, and social progress – and as concerned citizens of this country, we should take it upon ourselves to demand that the government steer us in that direction – otherwise, we will succumb to the fate of continually disregarding the population problem: eventual self-destruction.’

i have this particularly annoying teacher this semester who has a penchant for glorifying himself in terms of teaching style and method, and proudly asserts that we ought to differentiate him from the rest of the pack because, he says, he not only imparts knowledge, but he imbues these learnings with the school’s thrust — which is the incorporation of the ‘gospel’ in classroom discussions.

with his distinct and thick waray accent, he starts the class each time with the same spiel: ‘ibahin nyo ako, ibahin nyo ako, meron akong record‘ — then he proceeds to checking the attendance — in 30 frigging minutes mind you — because he likes to interject, every so often, and brandish his so-called ‘distinct’ teaching style.

at first, i was intrigued and amused, and i entertained the idea that perhaps, he was different — that he was unlike the unthinking, incompetent kind.

but soon enough, i found out that indeed, he was different from the rest — fact is, he is worse.

for two weeks, we had to dissect the vision-mission of the university, discuss it in detail for four meetings, each having an hour and thirty minutes for every session — and it was just so, so boring — not to mention irrelevant and a total waste of time.

don’t get me wrong, i agree with the rationale of incorporating the school’s general thrust in the course of individualised learning, but having to skim through the entire document, and meticulously dissecting each phrase and sentence?

that’s verging on obsessive-compulsiveness on the part of the teacher on the one hand, or it could mean he was just too damn lazy to jumpstart the semester with pertinent and relevant lessons, on the other. tsk tsk.

to my recollection, there never was a single classroom discussion where he shared the latest nor the most apt technique in deconstructing and reanalyzing complicated stories. he merely blabbers for hours on end about how the generation now has forgotten the values of the time past, or how we, his students, ought to respect him for three reasons: his being our titser, his being matanda, and his being propesyunal.

naturally, in my head, i have already conjured of a hundred ways of reconstructing einstein’s relativity theory, or plot out the assumed location of emilia earheart in the bermuda triangle.

but it gets worse — because this time, he wants us to shell out twenty pesos and buy any item from the tabo (a superficial endeavor for fostering genuine appreciation to our own wika, if you were to ask me), and eat the entire thing in front of him.

first level of rebuttal: since when were teachers (college teachers, mind you) empowered to dictate how our school allowance will be spent? sure, twenty pesos is twenty pesos, but we need to look beyond the monetary aspect and uncover the arbitariness of the imposition — does he really have the right to demand that his students buy puto and cuchinta and nibble them down in front of him?

second level of rebuttal: how does this exercise facilitate and foster a genuine appreciation for the national language? this, in itself, is a pathetic excuse for genuine education, and it is this juvenile approach, plus a mindset which prods him on because he thinks of himself as a demigod in the classroom, which is the reason why genuine learning is stifled, and students are shortchanged in terms of getting what they rightfully deserve.

‘ibahin nyo ako, ibahin nyo ako.’

sir, iba ka nga.

last night was a blast.

because i wanted to get wasted after having religiously stuck to my school-house routine the entire week, i resolved to do one thing before my day would end: be hammered like hell.

it all started innocently, with a few rounds of rhum coke and beer with some of my coursemates — we were just beside one of the clubs here in dumaguete. this, after all, is how we (dumaguete peeps) like to drink. all we need is a comfortable place, a few laughs, and a handful of stories just to be de-cluttered as together, we traverse the world of spirits and momentarily escape from our oftentimes monotonous lives.

last night was a blast. i have not partied hard for a long time, and it felt good to be drunk knowing that i have accomplished so much stuff for this week. there was justice, so to speak. hahaha!

and after having gained considerable ego boosting with the alternate rhum-beer shots that i had, i was itching to get inside the bar,and let loose on the dancefloor. (to all those who know me, please do not cringe, i also need to dance sometimes, have pity, haha)

although i’ve already forgotten most of my dancefloor experience last night, i know i had the greatest time there. i was just, plainly and simply, drunk. and it feels good to be convinced that perhaps, i am not the worst dancer in the world. mwahaha.

i went home around 3 am, but with a big smile on my face. it has been a long time since i genuinely had fun, and i intend to keep my spirits up until the semester ends

to all who have read my previous rant, pasensia na.

for it is true what they say, never blog when you are emotionally-high, otherwise, you will just end up regretting — and now, finally (i hope), after the hype has died down, and my take on things has been tempered by rationality, i cringe at that post.

i’m sorry for the spiteful words.

i really am.

and there’s nothing more i can say but just that.

again, i am sorry.

the intrusive (and annoying, by the way) influx of cybercrap, apparently, will not lose steam anytime soon.

i was checking for comments to my latest post this morning, and voila! there was an insidious post by someone, or some robot perhaps, warning me from buying a dildo as a birthday present. because, it added, they have a magical herb which can increase a penis’ size in digits not yet seen before. gargantuan results was what they promised.

sheesh — my rant cringed in shame at the inappropriateness of the suggestion.

haha — cybercapitalism perhaps? lol.

anyway, i have not been able to blog like before because school requirements can be so dehumanizing! my PE classes have given me muscle cramps yesterday, my literature class has given me emotional and psychological torment lately, and my other subjects have been so demanding i have cut back on my alcohol intake. an unfortunate time to be sober really, given how gasoline right now is much more expensive than beer. a major tsk for everyone.

and apart from these school-related stress givers, i also had to deal with all kinds of shit — and i must say, it has been equally emotionally-draining for me. it has been a whirlwind of burdensome weeks really, and i look forward to the day when i will no longer be carrying this excess baggage; i want to break free from the shackles of the past, and just look straight ahead, because personally, complications can easily break both my spirit and sanity.

so to all, i hope everything will end sooner than later, so we will all go back to our past routines. suffice it to say that it has wrought considerable damage to all relationships involved — and i can only sigh in exasperation and distress.

i just hope that sometime soon, my hectic schedule will give me more time to just write about silly and trivial stuff again, because i need to de-clutter asap, otherwise i will end up lost and in a daze like before.

here’s to better times ahead guys. cheers!

today, my heart is burdened with grief.

earlier today, i was able to catch snippets of (the) news stories which showed recent developments in the unfortunate sinking of a sulpicio lines ship, the princess of the stars.

it was an awful start for the day that was unfolding — in one of the interviews to the rescuers who were tasked to check the capsized ship from the inside, he commented that he saw hundreds of people who were visibly trapped within the vessel. a number of them were still clutching their orange life vests, perhaps in hopes of making it out alive.

but that was not all.

the rescuer, seemingly perplexed by what he had seen, even shared that he saw bloated bodies of children — even a baby was seen floating in one of the ship’s decks.

horrifying.

it made me think — i bitched about the power interruption over the weekend, heck, i even went to the beach to while the time away — gahd, i even whined about the misfortune of not having electricity because i wanted to blog about my day and how the rain makes me sentimental and emo — and yet, there were multitudes of people who were scampering for their lives right at that instant.

throngs of people who were tormented with the inevitability of violent death; hundreds more who breathed their last just as i was comfortably tucked in bed.

tsk — a tragedy it was.

i just hope, with the rest of the world, that justice will be served for all those who deserve it.

but for now, i join the nation in mourning for all the lives that had been, in an instant, violently taken away from this god-forsaken, desolate place. +

just when i thought my life could net get any weirder, a friend approached me and he had this to say:

“we have decided that you will represent our department in the upcoming mr. <name of school, hehe>…and you will be pleased because it will be covered by many sponsors, blah blah, blah”

at first, i was amused — because who would’ve thought that someone would actually consider fielding me in an actual beauty contest <haha, the beauty part sends shivers down my spine, lol>. not because i think less of myself or worse, i think highly of myself, but because contests such as this and myself make up for an odd — no bizarre — pair. haha.

i politely declined, and suggested that perhaps, i would’ve agreed if it were an academic thing, or something that would highlight my other talents — but strutting my stuff in front of an audience which expects you to answer ‘world peace’ consecutively?

hell no. haha.

but, he continued, they have already arrived at a consensus — thereby implying that it not mattered what i thought or what my decision would be — fact for them is, i would agree to be pinned a number and have my share of the limelight.

haha. i couldn’t stop laughing deep inside.

perhaps, it’s just my personal crusade — beauty pageants have always been part of my list of pet peeves. as a self-respecting human being, i have resolved not to take part in activities which try to glamourize the entire concept of inner beauty and strength — because, at the end of each contest, it does not really matter how well-versed you are with the recent kidnapping situation in the philippines, or what the repercussions of a black democratic president are to the US, because what’s taken into account is how aesthetically-pleasing you are <we need to be politically-correct here,lol> and how you conform to the societal consensus of what constitutes acceptable beauty to most people.

or perhaps, your wit may guarantee you the crown, but you need to be at least ‘unoffensive’ to the eyes. haha.

gahd, the ideas that people entertain when they are high or perhaps intoxicated — no offense meant to my friend, but it would do him no good if he decides to push through with his plan — because, just as oil and water do not make for a good mixture, i also intend to stay afloat and keep what little self-respect i have left, than be subdued by this farce concept of individual empowerment.

this morning.

my biology teacher, a rather stern young man with a sense of humor that has probably landed him in petty fistfights before, nonchalantly blurted out:

“we need the scientific process even in our everyday lives…for example, when you theorize that your present relationship is no long as exciting as it used to be and you suspect that your partner is involved with someone else…you go through the rigors of the scientific process and see if she/he has indeed someone new…and if it is confirmed, then you conclude that perhaps, the love is no longer there and you need to move on.”

then he obnoxiously laughed like a maniac, and scoured the room for students who found his analogy as entertaining as he thought it to be.

duh.

if only that were the case, then this world would have been a little less scathing than how it really is. if only that were true, fewer people’s sanities would be hanging by a thread, and begging just a little more pull for it to snap completely.

i knew he meant it as a joke — but it was very lame, and rather insensitive to the complexities of the human emotions. i know, i know, he might have meant it as a light banter that need not be considered seriously — but again, it was a lame analogy altogether — and, compounded with his monotonous speaking voice and his apparent lack of lesson plan, i was all the more convinced that his class would just be my napping time.

zzz.

just when i was starting to believe that schools, or more particularly universities, have become tolerant to the ‘older students’ (note the emphasis on the word older, lol), i was once again reminded that heck, it does not always maintain that friendly and receptive atmosphere.

although it does not directly remind you that you are overstaying in school, or that you ought to be somewhere else, lulling a baby to sleep or working overtime perhaps, it does so in a subtle way — subtle, but nonetheless, it strikes you where it hurts the most — your ego.

i was in PE class earlier today, and as i was sitting there (with no real friends because kids nowadays have their own cliques, and you have to befriend them or give them a sacrificial lamb for you to be part of their circle) not really minding what’s going on, i heard the childish chuckle of two young boys who sat beside me. one of them, a rather burly kid, tapped the back of the person sitting in front of him, and then loudly (and i must say, confidently) blurted out: “miss, my friend here likes you, can he get your number?”

and then both of them erupted in boisterous laughter as they high-fived and laughed as though what they did had solved the current rice crisis, and had earned for them a nomination in the nobel peace prize.

i was appalled by the childishness of the situation — and seriously, i was expecting the girl (her name is margarita, fyi, lol) to slap them in their faces, or perhaps make a scene — because i thought what they did was reminiscent of barbaric practices (okay, i’m being harsh, but let’s face it, we need to be sensitive to the feminist claims of steeped patriarchy in society, blah blah blah, hehe).

but lo and behold, not only did she not reprimand those darn boys for disrespecting her, but she acted as though nothing had happened and continued chatting with her seatmate.

i wanted to talk to her, and tell her that she was being oppressed (err, too harsh, but it’s actually true, given the very skewed societal standards that we need to adhere to), but it got me thinking: they were just a bunch of high school kids who were newly thrust into college life — that, for them, was acceptable simply because that was acceptable in high school.

and where was i?

i was in a roomful of kids — thrust in the world of childish pranks and silly jokes about tae, and other stuff that you eventually and inevitably outgrow.

school is indeed harsh — but it’s harshness is subtle, implicit — but then again, it strikes you where you are most vulnerable — your ego.

the weirdest thing.

there was nothing about my filipino teacher that reminded me of blood, violence, and gore — but all of a sudden, as i was sitting in his class, trying to stay awake amid the light drizzle outside which silently lulled me to sleep, i had this vision:

i was in the middle of the road — helplessly stuck while a speeding motorcycle was approaching — it’s speed and my untimely location spelling mayhem that was beyond description.

then — the acrid smell of sulfur mixed with the pungent stench of blood.

i lay sprawling still in the middle of the road — and i can only hear the muffled screams of passersby, as they panicked and tried to comprehend that death was about to pass them by.

blood, gore, death.

snap.

the pain, the memory, the vision: all were too vivid to be a figment of my imagination. the blood coursing through my face was as palpable as the first cut that i had sustained as a kid.

i was helpless, lost, and about to breathe my last. and i could do nothing but wait for that final moment of slumber where awakening will lead me to somewhere else that was bereft of shimmer and light.

it was the weirdest thing — and even as i left the class and tried to shrug the unsettling feeling off, i was still perplexed trying to decipher what it meant:

was it a foreboding of things to come?