there is no tragedy far worse than the feeling of being unloved — or more damning, the feeling of being unlovable –

this was what i had gathered from my friend dawn in one of our recent conversations, after
we have lost touch for quite some time –

dawn was a blockmate in up, and after having graduated with honors in college, off she went
to singapore where, apart from being suddenly immersed in a new and foreign culture, she had
her first boyfriend — a singaporean whom she believed was her first true love.

‘ang hirap dito clyde.. hindi lang yung buhay ang fast-paced, pati yung love life, parang fast-tracked na rin’

and it seemed that while we were conversing, her pain was as palpable as that of a wound that had been sustained for the first time — although hers was, from what i felt, deliberately inflicted — and it had cut her deep.

dawn, who was the sweetest and most thoughtful blockmate that i had (she did not miss any
birthdays, and was always with a present), suddenly appeared cold, broken and lifeless
to me — because unfortunately, her first relationship was with a foreign man who was neither warm, thoughtful, nor caring — and after she took pains to understanding him, and tried changing her ways just to make the relationship work, he had left her without a proper goodbye — and had moved on to someone new.

i have always been awful at giving advice, and i know i do not always have the most consoling words when a friend needs rescuing — but this time, comforting words came naturally to me. perhaps it was because i have been in a similar situation before, or i knew that heartaches were the hardest to cure — but i felt her pain at that instant — and i knew that no human being deserved to be treated that way.
‘move on.. you are a good catch.. and i’m sure you will find someone new..’

it’s not that.. madami namang nanliligaw.. but i choose to move away, because i feel like they will shatter me to pieces again if i let them near my heart..’

it got me thinking — some of us can be most cruel, without us even knowing that the pain inflicted may be irreversible — that people, after having been tormented and broken, will sometimes choose to be distant and detached — all for preserving their self-worth and protecting what self-respect they have left.

and although i did not see her crying before me, her words bore the wounds of a
fragile heart that was so carelessly shattered into pieces –

i knew she just needed to heal — but i was seriously afraid that it might take a long time for her to be her old self again — because apart from not having the same support system that she had back here, she had blissfully submitted that perhaps, it is inevitable that the coldness of her fast-paced lifestyle would get to her — might as well not fight the steady onslaught of coldness that was fast seeping into her sensibilities.

but i mourn for her — and for everyone else who had to go through such a painful journey –
because no one deserves to feel cursed, nor be convinced that they are unlovable –
it’s just that some people are innately evil, and sometimes, they prey upon people who are capable of so much affection — as for my friend dawn, i know she will be okay — but for now, i will just let her be and let her heal — because i know that after everything subsides –

she will once again see how beautiful she really is.

i seriously could not believe the day that i just had –

my debater friends carlo and anna requested that i tag along with them as they will enroll this day — and after going with them as they looked for subjects, collected class cards, paid for school and association fees (which, by the way, is a major pain in the ass and drains my beer money dry), and scoured for subjects to enroll in, carlo treated us for a round of tempura sticks, siomai, and pancit canton servings (yumyum )

anyway, carlo is my artista friend (lol), and after being depressed for not making it in the final cut for survivor philippines, he decided to just binge his despair away with street foods (haha)

and while we walked around the campus, we saw one of our school debaters playing lawn tennis, and being the spontaneous people that we are, we decided to join in and kick some major ass (lol, it turned out all of us became exhausted with picking up the balls rather than actually hitting them, haha) — and after playing lawn tennis for nearly an hour, we again decided to play another sport — volleyball — because there was a game going on beside the court area.

haha — we played like crazy until about dusk, then we proceeded to the green benches underneath the acacia trees in our school — and just talked about trivial, but nonetheless fun, stuff.

what a day it was — i just hope it heralds the beginning of a fun semester ahead

finally, finally, finally, i now have the go signal to overload this semester — and i must say, it really kicks ass if you know the right people at the right time — why, you may ask?

well, first off, anna (my closest barkada today lol) has special powers — and when i say special, i mean she is extraordinarily gifted with immense and gargantuan power — we snaked our way through the long queue of tired students who were lining up to pay the business and finance office just to get their enrollment process started. i’m not proud of what i did — but sometimes, we need to bend some of our established principles for pragmatism and expediency (i’m just trying to rationalize and justify really, but still, i bow down in shame for what i did lol)

anyway, i went to the registrars office shortly after to scour for subjects this semester — and because i was intending to overload, i had to drop by the evaluations section to verify and assess my prospects for graduating this semester — and hurrah, i was able to muddle through the throng of expectant graduating students because, again, the head of the evaluations section is a really close friend (mam lanie calls me up everytime she buys takuyaki haha) — and so voila, it was a breeze for me again. and it was confirmed, after the bloody evaluation process, that i only had 28 units left. she even handed me the ‘application for graduation form’, and as i held it in my hand, i was overwhelmed with my emotions — i wanted to break down, scream like crazy, beat up the person next to me, pee right then and there, or just violently turn the table of mam lanie upside down. it was a surreal experience, really. lol

anyway, when i got that confirmation, i proceeded to getting my subjects for this semester — and lo and behold, the encoding lady happened to by a very close friend, and has in fact been my classmate for two consecutive semesters in most of my major subjects — so i had the best accommodation ever — haha.

all in all, it was a rollercoaster experience for me — gahd, i just hope everything will turn out fine, because seriously, i don’t ever want to mess things up again (i have a thing for messing up things pretty bad tsk).

and i can’t be any happier

after nearly a day of complete torment and torture, i still find myself with no enrolled subjects, and still needing to plead with the registrars office about my plan of overloading this sem — a tough feat really — negotiating with the reigstrar is like pleading with supreme court — the registrar head, mind you, is notorious for making students plead, cry, and trade their souls to the devil just to have their concerns considered (okay, exaggerated, and if you happen to know her, i was just kidding, hehe) — and today, i am supposed to meet up with her and convince her to allow me to overload, because hopefully, this would be my last sem.

anyway, i was supposed to blog last night, but out of sheer exhaustion after enduring what seemed like a marathon of sorts in school yesterday, i quickly dozed off in bed and retired immediately upon arriving home (8pm, i think, haha).

today would be another battle to face — and like any soldier of valor, i am willing to weather all hardships just to prove my nobility and worth — haha, seriously, i just hope to be alive tomorrow so i can blog about the battle that is to ensue today

i just arrived from cebu –

and im dead tired, i just want to doze off and pretend not ever needing to wake up again, but argh — i have to wake up early tomorrow because its enrollment day, and i still have to look for my remaining subjects — yes, remaining — finally, after 12 years in college (joke), i see the silver lining. hehe..

and now that it’s slowly sinking in, im beginning to feel the jitters of finally entertaining the prospect of graduating from college — because seriously, there came a point in my life when i already submitted that perhaps, college life is not for me. that probably, i was born smart, but education ruined me. hehe..

and now that im past that stage, i can’t be any happier — because seriously, ive thought about stuff and what’s gonna be next for me after college — im thinking of reapplying in PAL, or if not, i would proceed with law.

whichever is the wiser choice — i honestly don’t know, but for now, i only have to pysche myself up for the bloody battle that is the enrollment process tomorrow.

wish me luck :p

waaah!

i just found out that im going to cebu with the rest of my folks because we’re visiting my sister who is about to take the nurses’ licensure examinations.

talk about being spontaneous — i will stay there for a day, and i did not bring anything with me — just myself and the clothes that im wearing right now (goodluck, clyde!) — i just hope my mom will buy me a nice shirt once we get there –

hehe — till my arrival!

friends, because im still new to blogging, i have a hard time establishing links — hehe, i will figure this out (sooner than later, i hope) — and as soon as my better instincts would have taught me how, i will populate my blogroll box. lol

gahd, how time flies — just when i thought that the lazy summer days would no longer end, reality slaps me hard and reminds me that within just weeks, classes will again have to resume!

i had so much fun this summer — apart from not being overly stressed by my summer class subjects (even if math was one of ‘em, hihi), this was a fun-filled summer experience for me — my days (and nights, mind you) generally were spent having fun, getting wasted, and making the most of what this life has to offer.

anna’s cousins, JN and roui, sure made this summer a blast! we were wasted for three straight nights, and if my memory serves me right, we were still intoxicated even when the sun was still out. it was just fun, fun, fun!

and even if i have only known them for what, three days, i know we will nurture a friendship that will last for a far longer period of time. it was them, after all, who introduced me to pareng antonov and its immense power to knock you silly even after just two rounds of it — and for that, i will forever be grateful guys.

till our next inuman session!

la gloria is at it again — whenever i catch the daily news, my temper always flares up and i am consumed with contempt with how our political leaders are acting like juveniles and yet they pretend to advocate for the citizens that they bastardize.

take the current ruckus about the power rates for example -- la gloria, through her minion, winston garcia, is trying to wrestle control of meralco — because, she says, the lopezes are exploiting their consumers with over-the-top electric bills.

well and good because admittedly, there is an existing problem — and as such, the government ought to come up with a solution to emancipate the consumers from this undue burden. but how does she suggest going about this problem?

by means of a political vendetta — because people know that for the longest time, her family has been carrying a grudge against the lopezes — one which started with her father, the late president macapagal. and she uses winston garcia, another unthinking dimwit, to actualize her plans for her. garcia, by the way, is the self-absorbed president (he has a thing for brandishing his pictures for everyone to see) of gsis who, until today, has still failed to ensure the financial protection of government retirees via the gsis retirement plans and benefits programs.

and lets say, for the sake of argument, that he succeeds — what then will be his next move? make meralco a public entity?

tsk. why do we have dimwits for public officials? until i find a  decent answer to that question, i will continue hating news stories flashing their unsorry faces day after day after day.

i was pleasantly surprised today by a text message just when i least expected it.

i was doing nothing really, just idling the time away, when out of the blue — someone sent me a message — a friend i honestly thought i would no longer hear from.

it was from ronna libby, a high school debater from science high, who was supposed to be initiated into our university debate society (of which i am a member), but had to back out because she was chosen as one of the teen housemates in the recent pbb teen edition plus.

anyway, ronna was just voted out from pbb and she texted to thank everyone who supported her during the time that she was part of the show. honestly, i was relieved that she got out of the show sooner — though it would’ve been great if she was the big winner — because ronna has got so much potential in her. apart from being team a for science high, she has so much ambition for herself — as a matter of fact, that was what we first talked about during our first encounter — that she wanted to take up either political science or accountancy for college — and she opted for updiliman (presumably because her sister also studied there, and is currently a professor in the engineering dept). i remember telling her to pursue her dreams because, my bias aside, updiliman is the ideal school for anyone who aspires to be great.

anyway, at least she can now enroll and start working on her college education. and she would be a welcome addition to the debate society — she would not just kick ass in debate tournaments, but attract attention as well from other debaters — all in all, good publicity for our school. kidding haha.

anyway, i hope all the other housemates will also opt to finish their schooling, because cliche as it may sound, the fame and fanfare of showbiz is but fleeting. char. hehe —